Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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