Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
