What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
