I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
