You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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