im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
