And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's shark week go big or go home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
