Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
