I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
