Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
