I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it because I queefed?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every concussion has its silver lining
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
