So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
