so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize