I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
