I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
