You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
