I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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