Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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