Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
