i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
