Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
