we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
