I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
