GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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