I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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