There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found your dick twin last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
