That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
