All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
