i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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