i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
