I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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