what day is it and did you see me today?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
