sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
sex in a hospital.. check
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
