i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
