Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
