C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
