i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
