Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
