haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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