Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
