We won't sleep together?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
