well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
