i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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