If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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