hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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