I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
