i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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