I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
