he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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