she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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