She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
